A Day Early?

So, I'm wondering......if I'm a day early does that mean I'm a dollar ahead? Or a dollar tall ? As opposed to a dollar short (if I were a day late). Just wondering. Cuz, guess what? I've decided to weigh in today instead of tomorrow. Mostly because I'll be up until at least 2am in the morning tonight - and we all know what eating and drinking that late does to your weight the next morning. Bad things happen, people. Trust me.

Anyway.....I weighed in this morning and I've lost 2 pounds! It's actually a little disappointing because at one point this week I was down 3 pounds. But then we ate out last night and that killed me. Geez. Sometimes I'm so smart it's scary.

My goal for this coming week? Another 2 pounds. Wish me luck!

So, how have you done on your goals this week?

Ok, onward to the good stuff.......tonight is the premiere of New Moon! I'm SO excited! I even bleached my mustachio and everything! Pretty sure I'll freeze my ass off waiting in line to get in - but I'm still super excited! The movie looks way cool. So, who's going to the premiere tonight? Maybe I'll see ya there!

NOW - time for this week's Robert Pattinson pictures. Herbert is super excited for the movie (I'm bringin' him along, ladies - he has his ticket all ready and everything!)......so we're posting more than our usual one photo this week. Today is the movie premiere, after all. And what better way to celebrate than with pictures of our handsome Robert Pattinson......






As Borat would say......"Very nice."

In other news - I think the dogs are going to drive me completely INSANE. I'm already pretty much there - and they aren't helping matters. At all. Andy has now taught Tug to run through every room in the house.....at full speed - knocking shit over at every turn. He's also taught him how to get on the arm of the couch....and the back of the couch (which isn't going over very well). This morning Andy taught Tug all about how to get my fall leaves off the shelf and eat them. Apparently they're very tasty. Have I mentioned that I'm on the edge of being one of those psycho, insane, postal people? Yea, I am. All because of Andy and Tug. Mostly Tug.

Well, I'm outta here. Happy New Moon Premiere Day, Internet!

Devil Woman, OUT.

The Mooooooon boots

So, the other day I was chatting with Miss Bonnie (I know - surprising, right?) and I was telling her how my back porch is SO freakin' cold. It's one of those enclosed back porches (like old houses have) - and it has NO insulation. And it's cold back there. And my washer and dryer are back there.....and I've pretty much been avoiding laundry at all costs for the past few weeks. Cuz it's cold!

Here's a little recap of our conversation:

ME: "Is your back porch cold? Mine is freezing! I've even stopped doing laundry cuz it's so freakin' cold back there."

BONNIE: "Yea, it's really cold."

ME: "So, how do you get your laundry done?"

BONNIE: "I don't know, I just go back there and do it." (obviously Bonnie isn't as big of a wannie as I am)

ME: "Well I think I'm going to get some boots to wear."

BONNIE: "What? Boots for laundry?"

ME: "Yea. You know, just some cheap ones from Walmart or something. Just so my feet don't freeze. And I can use them to take the dogs out, too!"

BONNIE: "Ok. You're a weirdo. Who gets boots for laundry? If you're gonna get cheap boots you should get some Moon Boots - like Napoleon Dynamite wears."

ME: "Yea! Those would be perfect! I'm totally getting moon boots!"

BONNIE: "To do laundry in?"

ME: "Yep. They'll be my laundry moon boots!" (not to be confused with my every day moon boots)

BONNIE: "You're such a weirdo."

Yes, Bonnie. I am, in fact, a weirdo. But, everybody loves a weirdo, right?

What?

NOBODY loves a weirdo?

Geez. Tough crowd.

Ok, I really do have a point here......yesterday I went to the mall to look for some moon boots (among other things). Looking back I see that maybe the mall wasn't the best place to find moon boots. But I was on a mission! I looked and looked but I couldn't find any - not even at PayLess.

I finally found something moon-boot-ish at the Old Navy - for eight bucks, no less!

Here's what I was looking for:



But no one had any. What is the world coming to? I don't know if I want to live in a world where there are no moon boots at the mall! I'm moving OUT! I think I'll move to the moon so that I can wear moon boots and blend in with the natives. I hear those moon people really like weirdos. So I'm sure I'll fit right in.

Anyway (sorry, got off track there for a minute), this is what I actually bought:



Not exactly moon boots - but still just as freaky and weird. Plus they have dangly pom poms. And everyone needs boots with dangly pom pom's, right? Plus these ones are very festive (they're actually more of a pink color in real life). And they have leather soles - so I can wear them outside to take the dogs potty.

So, whaddya think? I'll bet you're headed to Old Navy right now to pick up a pair for yourself, right?

I'm so sure.

Devil Woman, OUT.

It's beginning to look a lot like.....Christmas?

Yea, so I'm pretty sure there might be something wrong with me. I mean really, really wrong.

You see, I've been feeling Christmas-y lately. Christmas-y! It's weird.

I think I might have a fever. Something is definitely wrong with me.

I'm not what you'd call a real "Christmas-y" person. At all. As a matter of fact, I usually really dread Christmas.....mostly cuz it's so materialistic and that just sucks away all the fun, you know?

But this year I'm missing our Christmas traditions. Things we did when Jeffery was little. I also miss my family at Christmas - cuz my Mom always made it so fun. I tried to pass that on to Jeffery - but 16 year old boys are just too cool for dorky Christmas traditions. At least my 16 year old boy is.

I remember when Jeffery was little and all he wanted for Christmas was a Woody doll (from Toy Story). And we baked cookies and watched Christmas movies and squinted our eyes and looked at the Christmas lights and listened to Christmas music.....and I really do miss that. A lot.

But this year I'm feelin' the Christmas spirit. This year I'm going to make it fun and meaningful. Even if I have to do it by myself. I'm baking Christmas cookies (low-fat ones). I'm watching Christmas movies. I'm looking at the Christmas lights with squinty eyes. And I'm going to enjoy the real meaning of the season. And hopefully Jeff and Jeffery will join in the fun.

I've decided to decorate my house this coming weekend (it's early, I know - but we're going to be gone the weekend after Thanksgiving - we're going to visit my Mom and Grandma - so I won't be home to do it then). I'm also going to start some Christmas shopping this week. And I'm going to try to crank out my cards this week too. I've designed them and now I'm working on my "assembly line". I might even go all out and put lights outside of our house this year. Somebody better hold me back - I'm gettin' out of control!

I'm tellin' ya......something is wrong with me!

So, I'm curious....do any of you blog readers have older kids? What kind of holiday traditions do they enjoy? I'm open for suggestions here, people!

Devil Woman, OUT.

P.S. - Good luck with your weight loss goal, Pam! I'm excited that you joined in the fun!

The Mystery Of The Internet.

You know, according to ME, the Internet is like this vast galaxy of random information that is constantly changing and confusing me. I mean, you can go online and find ANYTHING. Feeling sick? Well, you can diagnose your illness on the Internet! Not happy with the results you find while searching for your disease? Well, search some more! Eventually you'll find the answer that suits you best! Need to buy an elephant to wash your car? Well, just BING it! Need directions? Food? Movie reviews? A date? Try Google! Just let your fingers do the walking.

Today I decided to let my fingers do the walking on the old Internet. I saw this funny dancing flower somewhere online and it reminded me of these dancing flowers:



Remember those? Yea, they sold them at Hallmark and they always had them at the front of the store - singin' and dancin'. Remember, Nancy? Pretty sure we irritated those Hallmark people TO DEATH by turning the damn things on every time we walked by. But they were just so cute! And technologically advanced!

Anyway, back to my Internet story......I decided that I would do a post all about these Rockin' Flowers. Except I didn't remember that they were actually called Rockin' Flowers. But I needed a picture of the Rockin' Flowers - cuz a story about Rockin' Flowers without a picture would just be so NOT COOL. So I decided to BING IT (as Jimmy Fallon says). So I go to BING and I type in "pictures of dancing flowers with guitars" cuz that was the most specific description I could think of.....yea, at the time I totally thought the flowers had guitars. Didn't some of them have guitars? ANYWAY....I get to Bing - and there are thousands of pictures to choose from........but no pictures of the Rockin' Flowers.

Here's what Bing came up with:


Some old cartoon people dancing. And, you know, what says "dancing flower with guitar" more than old cartoon people dancing? Wait - are they cartoons? Or just really small people with really big heads? They are kind of cute......and they look very excited.....well, the guy looks excited. The lady kind of looks like she's scared her old partner guy might drop her.


Next we have a cartoon guy flying in a plane. Where's the flower? And the guitar? And why isn't there any dancing?


This dude cracks me up....even if he's not a flower with a guitar. I think he might be dancing - so that counts for something, right? And, dude, those pants are AWESOME!


Once I bypassed the dude with the pants I came across this futon. Nothin' says dancing flower quite like a baby blue futon, right?


Next I found these earrings. Aren't they beautiful? Bing, I hate to break it to ya....but I think those are marajuana leaves.....which aren't really considered "flowers". Unless maybe your high. I'm thinking if you're wearing these earrings you might just be high. Huh. Who knew Bing was such a stoner?


I also found this cute pony....which DOES have a guitar on it's butt - so Bing got kinda close on this one.


After scrolling down a bit I also found this picture - I don't know why but the whole "Picante" thing just cracks me up. What does Picante mean in spanish? I thought it was kind of like salsa! Wait? Are they salsa dancers? Errr....salsa singers? Hmmmm. I'm havin' some deep thoughts here, people. I think those marajuana earrings are getting to me!




Next I found the Boston Red Sox logo and some sort of Texas State seal thingy. I'm starting to get really concerned about Bing. I mean, I see no flowers....I see no guitars (or, as Jeff would say - geeetars)....I see no dancing. What the hell, Bing? Are you messin' with me?


This one really freaked me out. The title to the photo was "{Insert redneck lady's name here} bellydancing". Dude. When did bellydancers start painting their faces white? Is she a bellydancing bride? Geez, Bing. Are you trying to drive people away from your photo website thingy? Cuz if you are.....it's definitely working!


I'll end with the dolphin picture.....it totally reminds me of those one dancing flower things.....only not really.

After I hit the dolphin picture things went from bad to worse.....I came across of a picture of some ladies boobs....some really scary zombie guys.....and lots of random people doing dances....some regular dances....some not so regular dances. Need I say more?

Ok, so the moral of this story? Don't Bing It when you're looking for pictures of dancing flowers with guitars. You'll be tramatized - FOR LIFE! Also, after scrolling through all those pictures I totally forgot what I was going to say about the Rockin' Flowers. But I'm sure it was WAY interesting.

Devil Woman, OUT.

The Goals

So, here they are - my weight loss goals for WEEK ONE of my weight loss challenge.

First off, my overall goal:

10 pounds.

My overall goal is to lose 10 pounds in 7 weeks. I would like to lose 10 pounds by January 1st. I know it's going to be hard - what with all the Christmas goodies and stuff - but I KNOW I can do it.

This week my goal is 2 pounds. I am GOING to lose 2 pounds by next Friday.

Here's how I plan to achieve this goal:

1. I will go to the gym four days this week.
2. I will run at least 2 miles while at the gym each day.
3. I will drink at least 8 glasses of water EVERY DAY.
4. I will eat at least five servings of fruit and vegetables each day.
5. I will stay under 25 points a day.

So, there you have it. Time to kick my sorry ass into gear! Wish me luck!

Also, let me know if/when you post your goals so I can go check 'em out - and cheer you on!

Devil Woman, OUT.

Are You Ready To Take The CHALLENGE??

Ok, so here's the deal.....Since I've had all this tumor crap going on I've gained back about four pounds of the weight I lost previously. I know four pounds might not seem like a lot - BUT four pounds can lead to five pounds and then five to six and so on and so forth......then all of a sudden you're a hundred pounds overweight. Trust me. It can happen.

I don't know how many of you know this - but I joined Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost over 90 pounds. That's like a whole person! Since then I've pretty much stayed the same. Unfortunately. I really do want to lose about 20 more pounds (actually I NEED to lose about 20 more pounds) and I'm tired of sitting on my ass thinking about it - I'm ready to DO it.

I've decided that tomorrow's the big day for me. Tomorrow's the day that I start counting points again. Tomorrow's the day that I commit to going to the gym four days a week - no matter how tired I am. Tomorrow's the day that I kick my ass in gear and lose the 20 pounds that I want (and need!) to lose. I would say it's today but today I have to babysit for Miss Bonnie so I can't go to the gym tonight. Plus it's always best to wake up with a plan - rather than starting mid day and pretending like you were perfect for the first portion of the day. That never works - for me, anyway.

Anyway, while I was typing up another whiny blog post about how I need to lose four pounds this morning I came up with an idea. A totally brilliant idea - if I do say so myself. And if you people actually participate it'll be way fun - and motivating. You see, I'm the kind of person who can set all sorts of goals - in my head - but unless I announce them to the world (or at least to SOMEONE) then I'll never meet my goal. I'll make excuses for myself. I'll put things off. Trust me - been there, done that. I'm kind of a professional at that.

So, here's my proposal:

BLOGGERS UNITE TO LOSE WEIGHT AND LIVE HEALTHY!

Here's how it'll work:

1. Once a week (you pick which day is best for you) you will announce your weight loss and exercise goals for the week - on your blog or in the comments section of my blog (if you don't have your own blog). It could be as little as going for one walk and losing one pound.....or it can be as ambitious as losing 5 pounds and running 10 miles a week. It's totally up to you!
2. That same day the next week you will announce your results. You'll tell us how much you exercised (I recommend keeping track in an exercise journal) and how much weight you lost (or gained, God forbid - but, hey, shit happens!).
3. For the first week we'll all announce our overall weight loss goal and our week one goal. Now, I would suggest setting your first goal REALISTICALLY. Let's not say - I wanna lose 50 pounds. How about, "I wanna lose 15 pounds"? That's much more attainable - and then when you hit the 15 pound mark you can set another overall goal. Trust me, setting realistic goals is key. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to fail.
4. Once every two months we'll have a get together. We'll eat yummy (healthy) food. We'll bring our favorite low-fat recipe to share. We'll make crafts (you can bring whatever you like - scrapbooking, sewing, whatever). And we'll hang out and talk and have a fun girls night!

What do you think? ARE YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE? I hope so - cuz I need motivation - and I know you ladies can help a sista out with that!

Leave me a comment if you want to join in the fun - I can't wait! I'll be posting my goals tomorrow - and every Friday thereafter.

OK, so - it's Thursday. And we all know what Thursday is......it's Robert Pattinson picture day! Herbert tells me that since New Moon is right around the corner we have to celebrate with TWO Robert Pattinson pictures. And, really, who am I to argue with Herbert? He kind of scares me!

Devil Woman, OUT.

50 Bucks.

Today I've decided that I'm going to fine anyone who pisses me off, irritates me, looks at me funny, wears an outfit I don't like or poops on my floor 50 bucks.

Yep. You read that correctly. It's a $50 dollar fine, people. It'll probably just end up being an imaginary fine....but I don't care. It's a fine nonetheless. And it'll probably make me feel better. Especially if you poop on my floor - I mean, come on, if you poop on someones floor you SHOULD pay them 50 bucks, right?

Right.

So, here's my current list of fine-ee's.

Wait. Fine-ee's? Is that even a word?

TUG
Damn dog shit on my bedroom floor this morning. And not a cute little puppy poop. No - it was a giant, green, STINKY STINKY, soft puppy poop. aren't you glad you clicked on my blog today? I'm sure you're super excited to read about green puppy poop. After he crapped on the floor Jeff accidentally stepped in it (with shoes on, thank goodness) and then tracked it across the floor. Way to go, Tug. My bedroom floor will NEVER BE THE SAME. And that'll be $50 bucks. Pay up, sucka!

My DVR.
Somehow it didn't record "The Office" last Thursday. I strongly suspect that one of my family members cancelled my recording - cuz the DVR has never failed me before......but, I'm finin' SOMEBODY for this act of treason! It may as well be the DVR. Cuz I'm pretty sure if I fine one of my boys $50 they'd just ask me to loan 'em the 50.

The EVIL paper.
So far I've gotten three paper cuts today. Three! My hands will never recover. And I've used a whole box of band aids - just this morning! Ok, that was a lie. I've only used two - but, still! That evil paper is out to get me, I tell ya! So, evil paper, because you are out to get me I'm charging you $50 bucks. And I don't take checks!

The "Designer" Snuggie.

Dude. Am I the only one freaked out by this? Seriously, people. This picture raises a whole lotta questions.....First off, how is this "designer"? I'm confused. Is it "designer" to have a baby's head sticking out of your shirt? If it is then I don't think I want to be "designer". Second, that baby's head looks like it's coming out of that ladies chest! It's a freaky alien baby! And it's scaring me! So pay me $50 bucks! Or else I might be scarred for life! Exclamation point!

My Stomach.
Holy crap, my stomach is having issues. I don't know what the deal is - although I think it might be this medicine I'm taking. Anyway, one minute my stomach feels great. So I eat lunch (or whatever meal applies). All is well......until about a half hour after I eat - when I start feeling like I'm going to EXPLODE. Ugh. I feel so full and bloated. I mean, it's not like I'm eating huge amounts of food - but my stomach seems to think I am. And while I'm eating? I feel normal. So I eat a normal amount of food. I'm not sure how to fix this problem. I guess I'll have to start eating less and feeling hungry - cuz I can't stand this giant bloated stomach thing anymore. So, there you go - Stomach - you owe me fifty bucks. And I don't mean maybe.

The Texter.
You know who you are. If you don't stop sending me accusing texts with fifteen exclamation points - or question marks - at that end or every remark I'm fining you 50 bucks!!!!!!!!! Do you know how offensive that is??????? It makes you seem like an ass!!!!!!! See?????? Ok, so that texter doesn't even read my blog, but I'm still including him - just in case. Cuz I could use another 50 bucks.

The Chicken Eater.
Ok, so somebody in my office got fried chicken for lunch. And it's stinky. And I strongly suspect that I now smell like fried chicken. So I'm going to find the culprit and make him pay up! You can't make me smell like fried chicken and get away with it, fried chicken eater!

Ok, so that's all the fines I'm doling out today. Cuz I'm a sweetheart like that. Don't want to go overboard on the fines or anything, ya know?

In other news, Miss Bonniebell and I scrapbooked for a bit on Saturday. It was super fun and I managed to get one whole page done. Go, me!

And that's all I've got today. Only 10 DAYS till New Moon is out! Yippee!!!

Devil Woman, OUT.