The Goals

So, here they are - my weight loss goals for WEEK ONE of my weight loss challenge.

First off, my overall goal:

10 pounds.

My overall goal is to lose 10 pounds in 7 weeks. I would like to lose 10 pounds by January 1st. I know it's going to be hard - what with all the Christmas goodies and stuff - but I KNOW I can do it.

This week my goal is 2 pounds. I am GOING to lose 2 pounds by next Friday.

Here's how I plan to achieve this goal:

1. I will go to the gym four days this week.
2. I will run at least 2 miles while at the gym each day.
3. I will drink at least 8 glasses of water EVERY DAY.
4. I will eat at least five servings of fruit and vegetables each day.
5. I will stay under 25 points a day.

So, there you have it. Time to kick my sorry ass into gear! Wish me luck!

Also, let me know if/when you post your goals so I can go check 'em out - and cheer you on!

Devil Woman, OUT.

Are You Ready To Take The CHALLENGE??

Ok, so here's the deal.....Since I've had all this tumor crap going on I've gained back about four pounds of the weight I lost previously. I know four pounds might not seem like a lot - BUT four pounds can lead to five pounds and then five to six and so on and so forth......then all of a sudden you're a hundred pounds overweight. Trust me. It can happen.

I don't know how many of you know this - but I joined Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost over 90 pounds. That's like a whole person! Since then I've pretty much stayed the same. Unfortunately. I really do want to lose about 20 more pounds (actually I NEED to lose about 20 more pounds) and I'm tired of sitting on my ass thinking about it - I'm ready to DO it.

I've decided that tomorrow's the big day for me. Tomorrow's the day that I start counting points again. Tomorrow's the day that I commit to going to the gym four days a week - no matter how tired I am. Tomorrow's the day that I kick my ass in gear and lose the 20 pounds that I want (and need!) to lose. I would say it's today but today I have to babysit for Miss Bonnie so I can't go to the gym tonight. Plus it's always best to wake up with a plan - rather than starting mid day and pretending like you were perfect for the first portion of the day. That never works - for me, anyway.

Anyway, while I was typing up another whiny blog post about how I need to lose four pounds this morning I came up with an idea. A totally brilliant idea - if I do say so myself. And if you people actually participate it'll be way fun - and motivating. You see, I'm the kind of person who can set all sorts of goals - in my head - but unless I announce them to the world (or at least to SOMEONE) then I'll never meet my goal. I'll make excuses for myself. I'll put things off. Trust me - been there, done that. I'm kind of a professional at that.

So, here's my proposal:

BLOGGERS UNITE TO LOSE WEIGHT AND LIVE HEALTHY!

Here's how it'll work:

1. Once a week (you pick which day is best for you) you will announce your weight loss and exercise goals for the week - on your blog or in the comments section of my blog (if you don't have your own blog). It could be as little as going for one walk and losing one pound.....or it can be as ambitious as losing 5 pounds and running 10 miles a week. It's totally up to you!
2. That same day the next week you will announce your results. You'll tell us how much you exercised (I recommend keeping track in an exercise journal) and how much weight you lost (or gained, God forbid - but, hey, shit happens!).
3. For the first week we'll all announce our overall weight loss goal and our week one goal. Now, I would suggest setting your first goal REALISTICALLY. Let's not say - I wanna lose 50 pounds. How about, "I wanna lose 15 pounds"? That's much more attainable - and then when you hit the 15 pound mark you can set another overall goal. Trust me, setting realistic goals is key. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to fail.
4. Once every two months we'll have a get together. We'll eat yummy (healthy) food. We'll bring our favorite low-fat recipe to share. We'll make crafts (you can bring whatever you like - scrapbooking, sewing, whatever). And we'll hang out and talk and have a fun girls night!

What do you think? ARE YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE? I hope so - cuz I need motivation - and I know you ladies can help a sista out with that!

Leave me a comment if you want to join in the fun - I can't wait! I'll be posting my goals tomorrow - and every Friday thereafter.

OK, so - it's Thursday. And we all know what Thursday is......it's Robert Pattinson picture day! Herbert tells me that since New Moon is right around the corner we have to celebrate with TWO Robert Pattinson pictures. And, really, who am I to argue with Herbert? He kind of scares me!

Devil Woman, OUT.

50 Bucks.

Today I've decided that I'm going to fine anyone who pisses me off, irritates me, looks at me funny, wears an outfit I don't like or poops on my floor 50 bucks.

Yep. You read that correctly. It's a $50 dollar fine, people. It'll probably just end up being an imaginary fine....but I don't care. It's a fine nonetheless. And it'll probably make me feel better. Especially if you poop on my floor - I mean, come on, if you poop on someones floor you SHOULD pay them 50 bucks, right?

Right.

So, here's my current list of fine-ee's.

Wait. Fine-ee's? Is that even a word?

TUG
Damn dog shit on my bedroom floor this morning. And not a cute little puppy poop. No - it was a giant, green, STINKY STINKY, soft puppy poop. aren't you glad you clicked on my blog today? I'm sure you're super excited to read about green puppy poop. After he crapped on the floor Jeff accidentally stepped in it (with shoes on, thank goodness) and then tracked it across the floor. Way to go, Tug. My bedroom floor will NEVER BE THE SAME. And that'll be $50 bucks. Pay up, sucka!

My DVR.
Somehow it didn't record "The Office" last Thursday. I strongly suspect that one of my family members cancelled my recording - cuz the DVR has never failed me before......but, I'm finin' SOMEBODY for this act of treason! It may as well be the DVR. Cuz I'm pretty sure if I fine one of my boys $50 they'd just ask me to loan 'em the 50.

The EVIL paper.
So far I've gotten three paper cuts today. Three! My hands will never recover. And I've used a whole box of band aids - just this morning! Ok, that was a lie. I've only used two - but, still! That evil paper is out to get me, I tell ya! So, evil paper, because you are out to get me I'm charging you $50 bucks. And I don't take checks!

The "Designer" Snuggie.

Dude. Am I the only one freaked out by this? Seriously, people. This picture raises a whole lotta questions.....First off, how is this "designer"? I'm confused. Is it "designer" to have a baby's head sticking out of your shirt? If it is then I don't think I want to be "designer". Second, that baby's head looks like it's coming out of that ladies chest! It's a freaky alien baby! And it's scaring me! So pay me $50 bucks! Or else I might be scarred for life! Exclamation point!

My Stomach.
Holy crap, my stomach is having issues. I don't know what the deal is - although I think it might be this medicine I'm taking. Anyway, one minute my stomach feels great. So I eat lunch (or whatever meal applies). All is well......until about a half hour after I eat - when I start feeling like I'm going to EXPLODE. Ugh. I feel so full and bloated. I mean, it's not like I'm eating huge amounts of food - but my stomach seems to think I am. And while I'm eating? I feel normal. So I eat a normal amount of food. I'm not sure how to fix this problem. I guess I'll have to start eating less and feeling hungry - cuz I can't stand this giant bloated stomach thing anymore. So, there you go - Stomach - you owe me fifty bucks. And I don't mean maybe.

The Texter.
You know who you are. If you don't stop sending me accusing texts with fifteen exclamation points - or question marks - at that end or every remark I'm fining you 50 bucks!!!!!!!!! Do you know how offensive that is??????? It makes you seem like an ass!!!!!!! See?????? Ok, so that texter doesn't even read my blog, but I'm still including him - just in case. Cuz I could use another 50 bucks.

The Chicken Eater.
Ok, so somebody in my office got fried chicken for lunch. And it's stinky. And I strongly suspect that I now smell like fried chicken. So I'm going to find the culprit and make him pay up! You can't make me smell like fried chicken and get away with it, fried chicken eater!

Ok, so that's all the fines I'm doling out today. Cuz I'm a sweetheart like that. Don't want to go overboard on the fines or anything, ya know?

In other news, Miss Bonniebell and I scrapbooked for a bit on Saturday. It was super fun and I managed to get one whole page done. Go, me!

And that's all I've got today. Only 10 DAYS till New Moon is out! Yippee!!!

Devil Woman, OUT.

Ever Have One Of THOSE DAYS??

You have? Well, me too. As a matter of fact, I'm having one of those days TODAY.

Ugh.

It started out like any other day. I got up and got ready for work - and it pretty much went downhill from there.

Jeffery was a shit this morning - so that made me feel bitchy. After his second shitty comment I threatened to make him walk to school (which is a LONG way from our house). I hear him saying something under his breath in the other room (no clue what he was saying) and that pissed me off even more.

Let me just say this; "I sure wish I were as smart as my 16 year old son." Geez. If I were that smart I'd be, like, a rocket scientist or something.

What is it with these teenagers?

Next crappy thing - my car is making a noise. I'm not sure if it's a good noise or a bad noise - but it's a noise.....and I don't like it.

I get to work and it's hellacious and hectic. Everyone wants something done NOW. And why hasn't this been sent over? And when are we going to have this? And on and on and on.....

About halfway through my morning I discover two stains on my sweatshirt. Nice. I love it when I wear shirts with stains. Shirts that were just washed last night.

So, I go to lunch - pick up Subway to take home - and spill Jeff's damn fountain drink all over the floor of my car. On the drivers side. Also, the subway? Yea, it was $17 for two people - and I didn't even get a drink! Seventeen freakin' dollars!! What the hell? Apparently I ordered the super fancy turkey sandwich on the gold plated bread.

Anyway, I get home and eat lunch - which was all fine and good - but when it's time to go the puppy runs out of the house. So I have to chase down the damn puppy.

I get back to work and there are some PEOPLE there. People with naughty little crappy kids. I'm talking NAUGHTY. Like run around screaming - turn the water thingy on so water gets all over the floor, tear the paper out of the fax machine tray - NAUGHTY. I really wanted to give out a few spankings - but I sat on my hands and pretended everything was A-OK. "Oh, no customer people. I love your stinky kids in MY OFFICE. I wish they could come in every day!"

And now I'm doing a bitchy, grumpy blog post....just so I can share my bitchiness with you, Internet. Isn't that SO nice of me? Yea, I thought so. What can I say? I'm a giver.

Now I'm off to inflict my bitchiness on other people besides you.

Happy Freakin' Friday, Internet.

Devil Woman, OUT.

Read This.

Wait, no - this. I forgot that you can't put a link in the title of a post. Or maybe you can? Hell, I'm not smart enough to figure that one out.

Anyway, I totally laughed my ass off when I was reading that blog post. Laughed. My. Ass. Off.

Also, I didn't really laugh my ass off. But wouldn't it be cool if I did? Then I'd be ass-less. And really, really prepared for Thanksgiving.

Devil Woman, OUT.

EDITED TO ADD: Ok, read this and this one too. Can you tell I'm bored? Just a little?

Top 5 Reasons Why I Think We Should Go Back To October.

I have to say, November really snuck up on me this year. I mean, come on, how is it possible that 2009 is almost over? Didn't we skip January, May and July? I think we did. I think we should just add those in now so we still have more time before the year is over. Mostly because November means Christmas is almost here. Which also means that I'll be broke before too long.

Anyway, to celebrate Crappy Old November I thought I'd list out the top 5 reasons why we should go back to October. And pretend like November never happened. All five days of it.

So, here it is. The Top 5 Reasons Why I Think We Should Go Back To October:

1. Christmas. It's almost here. Ugh. Not that I don't like Christmas - I do. Well, I like the Christmas feeling. But I don't like the Christmas broke-ness. I hate that we spend so much on Christmas gifts. It totally takes away all the fun. Hmmmm. Maybe I'll go on strike this year. Yea, that's what I'll do! It's official! I'm going on strike! For all of you people on my Christmas list - I just want to let ya know that you aren't getting JACK from me! Unless you want some frozen deer meat. We have that in abundance at my house. And I'm totally willing to give {all of it} away. I'll wrap some up for ya in red wrapping paper if ya want some. Sound like a deal?
2. Winter. Need I say more?
3. The fact that I haven't even STARTED my Christmas cards. I actually went looking for cute Christmas paper the other day and I found nothing. NOTHING. Pretty sure I'm cheating and going with digital photo cards this year. November usually means Christmas cards for me. But not this year.
4. Thanksgiving. OK, I actually like Thanksgiving. BUT - it's tough cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for only four people. It ends up being enough food for 10 people and then my ass gets about 5 sizes bigger after I eat all the leftovers. What's a girl to do? You can't just throw the leftovers away.......cuz I'm pretty sure that's a Thanksgiving sin. SIN, I tell ya!
5. I'm old. I am now ONE MONTH CLOSER to being one year older. And one month closer to death. All thanks to November. Thanks a lot, November.

OK, now that I got that out of my system I'll give you one EXTREMELY GOOD thing about this November.

New Moon comes out in two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Hip, Hip, Hooray!

In other news, I walked around with my fly down for half the day today. It was awesome! Only maybe not so much. Anyway, I was wondering why things seemed so breezy down there - then I went to the bathroom and, what do ya know? My zipper was down! Thank God I had on a long shirt. Cuz I've been in public all day long. Nothing worse that flyin' low in public. Reminds me of another flyin' low experience that I had this one time. You know what they say. Payback's a bitch.

OK, I've gotta go back to pretending to work. BUT before I go I'd better post this week's Robert Pattinson picture. Herbert and I agree that Robert is looking pretty freakin' good in this one....

Oooh, la, la! He's really workin' the sexyface in this one. Me likey!

Devil Woman, OUT.

Meet Tugerooti Gibson.

Ok, so his name isn't really Tugerooti. I just have a thing about adding "rooti" to the end of dog's names. Not sure why. Probably because I'm a weirdo.

Anyway, meet Tug.



(Check out those giant feet. Tug is going to be BIG.)

I know he looks cute....but he's actually pretty naughty. He likes to bite stuff. And chew on stuff. And take Andy's bone. Andy doesn't like it when Tug takes his bone. As a matter of fact, I think Andy is wondering when the hell Tug is going back where he came from.

Sometimes Tug is snugly and sweet....



When he's sleeping.



Just look at those wrinkly lips. Tug has lots of extra skin. Have I mentioned that Tug is going to be BIG? Yea, pretty sure he is.

Tug has blue eyes....



Tug also has really, REALLY big ears.



Every time he gets a drink of water he soaks his ears. Which makes for little splashes of water all over my {already messy} kitchen floor.

Like I said before, Andy isn't so sure about Tug. Tug likes to nip at Andy and steal his bone. They each have their own bone - but Tug only wants Andy's bone and Andy only wants Andy's bone too. It makes for lots of sad, pleading looks from Andy. And lots of "Niener, Niener, Niener, I have your bone!" looks from Tug. Pretty sure Andy is a tiny bit jealous of Tug - so I've been making sure to give him lots of love (as usual - he always gets lots of love).

Andy tries to out-do Tug as much as possible. This is a prime example:



Andy's all: "Hey Tug, don't you wish YOU could jump up on the couch? Take that, bitches!"

Ok, Andy didn't say "bitches". That was all me.

Hopefully everything will settle down in the next day or two and all will be peaceful and serene once again.

Who the hell am I kidding? Thing are NEVER peaceful and serene at my house.

Ok, so I can't leave Andy out - cuz he's my baby - so here are a few pictures of Anderootipooti....



I'm a sucker for that little pink tongue.



What a cutie.

Devil Woman, OUT.